Insecure

Friday, December 31, 2010 - Posted by -Kel at 6:54 PM
We are standing at the kitchen counter stuffing our mouths with chips and onion dip when she turns to me and says "You know, I've found that I'm just not worried about how my body looks as much anymore." I pause, mouth open, chip half way there to stare at her incredulously, taking in the perfectly petite woman standing next to me and unable to believe what I think I just heard her say. And I mean that too. At not quite 5 feet tall, she might weigh all of 105 pounds. I can't help but think to myself "when have you ever had to worry about what your body looks like?"

And I feel totally justified in this thought. See, we are complete opposites, she and I. Where she is short enough for it to be cute, I am only short enough that regular pants are too long but petite sizes are too short. Where she has smooth golden skin, I am pasty white and still have acne at the age of 33. While she is thin and firm and able to wear any of the current form fitting styles of today, at 188 pounds and a size 14 I want to cry at just the thought of needing to buy new clothes.

She is one of those women that you pass in the mall and immediately think, bitch!

Except that she really isn't. She is funny and sweet and genuine, and like the rest of the women in my family, she is only a bitch when it is necessary and she fits right in.

Her comment was not some passive/aggressive attempt at calling me out on my own weight or appearance. It was simply a statement from one Mom to another about how life and priorities change after having a kid.

It is my own insecurity and unhappiness with my weight that makes it seem like an attack. I know that my self esteem shouldn't be tied to my weight, but a big part of it is. And I also know how to feel better about myself. I know all about portion control and eating healthy and getting some exercise in order to lose the weight, but I've found myself making excuse after excuse for why I can't start just yet. Like the popcorn in the pantry and the wine in the fridge (I can't just throw it all away! That's so wasteful!). And I can't start quite yet, because we are going for ITALIAN FOOD on Sunday, and I am such a sucker for good Italian food. See? I am very good at finding reasons to put it all off.

And now I am forced to wonder, why? Why am I not disgusted enough with this body that I hate in order to take some action and do something about it? Is it that I'm just lazy? I know full well that it won't happen on it's own. I've got to actually make the decision and do it, and stick with it. But then I guess, maybe, I'm afraid I'm going to miss out on something. Deep down I know that is ridiculous, but I can't help feeling that way.

Then again, maybe I've become one of those Moms whose life and priorities have changed since having a kid...

Consider Yourself Warned

Monday, December 27, 2010 - Posted by -Kel at 5:20 AM
I've been meaning to put this one out there for some time now and just haven't gotten around to it until now. I can't even think of a nice or easy way to say it, so here. I'm gonna talk about you or something you did or said at some point. Deal with it. This blog is about MY life and MY reactions and MY opinions. If you are a part of MY life, friend or family, you will be discussed within my blog. Just so you know...

Walmart and other crazy talk

Monday, December 13, 2010 - Posted by -Kel at 12:34 PM


I've been having a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit this year. Not sure what it is but something is just.... off. I've been doing all of my normal "getting in the holiday spirit" things just like every other year. The tree is up and decorated (a real one with snoopy ornaments and white LED lights), the lights and outside decorations are up and on, I'm listening to Christmas music on the all Christmas music station and I've been watching all my favorite holiday movies. But again, something isn't quite there.

Maybe I'm just in an all around funk. I mean my eyebrows have turned into two very fuzzy caterpillars, but I won't go to the salon and have them tamed. Hell, I was supposed to go today for a trim and called to cancel because I just didn't want to leave the house again. I could have easily taken care of the furry animals then. And I have a kitchen full of groceries that I got home with an hour and a half ago, and I haven't managed to put them away yet. Yup, just feeling lazy and tired and out of it all together.

OH! And why is it that I always get the noisy, can't roll straight grocery cart EVERY SINGLE TIME I go to Wal-mart? Really? Are we just magnets for each other? I know there are silent ones that are perfectly capable of being pushed in beautifully straight lines, I've seen them with other people! But no, not me. I get the noisiest effing cart in the entire store, the one that makes all the other crazy people wandering around the store stare at me, because I'm the craziest one of all with my loud ass shopping cart that constantly pulls to the right. And taking it back to the front to exchange it for another just doesn't work. Inevitably I wind up picking out yet another and another that is just as bad, if not worse, than the one I started out with. I fear it's a burden I will be forced to bear for the rest of my life.... or I could start shopping at Crest.

From boys to... Men?

Saturday, December 4, 2010 - Posted by -Kel at 9:14 AM
Let me start by saying that there must be some sort of competitive nature in every Father/Son relationship. My Dad and brother are no different. Every year for Thanksgiving and Christmas my Mother makes special little appetizer type things to snack on during the day and to put on the table with dinner. One of these specialties is stuffed celery. It's cream cheese mixed with chopped green olives and spread into celery sticks. It's good too!



And here's where the competition starts. Dad and Brother will start eyeballing the celery before it's even made its way to the table, trying to figure out which one is the biggest piece and how one can get it before the other. It has even gotten to the point that once Brother grabbed the one that Dad wanted, licked it, and put it back just to ensure that he could have it instead.



So here is this year's scenario. Brother was the one who prepared the celery this year, and he made sure that there was no mistaking which was the biggest piece, and that it was his.








They're great, aren't they???