Insecure 

Friday, December 31, 2010 - Posted by -Kel at 6:54 PM
We are standing at the kitchen counter stuffing our mouths with chips and onion dip when she turns to me and says "You know, I've found that I'm just not worried about how my body looks as much anymore." I pause, mouth open, chip half way there to stare at her incredulously, taking in the perfectly petite woman standing next to me and unable to believe what I think I just heard her say. And I mean that too. At not quite 5 feet tall, she might weigh all of 105 pounds. I can't help but think to myself "when have you ever had to worry about what your body looks like?"

And I feel totally justified in this thought. See, we are complete opposites, she and I. Where she is short enough for it to be cute, I am only short enough that regular pants are too long but petite sizes are too short. Where she has smooth golden skin, I am pasty white and still have acne at the age of 33. While she is thin and firm and able to wear any of the current form fitting styles of today, at 188 pounds and a size 14 I want to cry at just the thought of needing to buy new clothes.

She is one of those women that you pass in the mall and immediately think, bitch!

Except that she really isn't. She is funny and sweet and genuine, and like the rest of the women in my family, she is only a bitch when it is necessary and she fits right in.

Her comment was not some passive/aggressive attempt at calling me out on my own weight or appearance. It was simply a statement from one Mom to another about how life and priorities change after having a kid.

It is my own insecurity and unhappiness with my weight that makes it seem like an attack. I know that my self esteem shouldn't be tied to my weight, but a big part of it is. And I also know how to feel better about myself. I know all about portion control and eating healthy and getting some exercise in order to lose the weight, but I've found myself making excuse after excuse for why I can't start just yet. Like the popcorn in the pantry and the wine in the fridge (I can't just throw it all away! That's so wasteful!). And I can't start quite yet, because we are going for ITALIAN FOOD on Sunday, and I am such a sucker for good Italian food. See? I am very good at finding reasons to put it all off.

And now I am forced to wonder, why? Why am I not disgusted enough with this body that I hate in order to take some action and do something about it? Is it that I'm just lazy? I know full well that it won't happen on it's own. I've got to actually make the decision and do it, and stick with it. But then I guess, maybe, I'm afraid I'm going to miss out on something. Deep down I know that is ridiculous, but I can't help feeling that way.

Then again, maybe I've become one of those Moms whose life and priorities have changed since having a kid...

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Consider Yourself Warned 

Monday, December 27, 2010 - Posted by -Kel at 5:20 AM
I've been meaning to put this one out there for some time now and just haven't gotten around to it until now. I can't even think of a nice or easy way to say it, so here. I'm gonna talk about you or something you did or said at some point. Deal with it. This blog is about MY life and MY reactions and MY opinions. If you are a part of MY life, friend or family, you will be discussed within my blog. Just so you know...

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Walmart and other crazy talk 

Monday, December 13, 2010 - Posted by -Kel at 12:34 PM


I've been having a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit this year. Not sure what it is but something is just.... off. I've been doing all of my normal "getting in the holiday spirit" things just like every other year. The tree is up and decorated (a real one with snoopy ornaments and white LED lights), the lights and outside decorations are up and on, I'm listening to Christmas music on the all Christmas music station and I've been watching all my favorite holiday movies. But again, something isn't quite there.

Maybe I'm just in an all around funk. I mean my eyebrows have turned into two very fuzzy caterpillars, but I won't go to the salon and have them tamed. Hell, I was supposed to go today for a trim and called to cancel because I just didn't want to leave the house again. I could have easily taken care of the furry animals then. And I have a kitchen full of groceries that I got home with an hour and a half ago, and I haven't managed to put them away yet. Yup, just feeling lazy and tired and out of it all together.

OH! And why is it that I always get the noisy, can't roll straight grocery cart EVERY SINGLE TIME I go to Wal-mart? Really? Are we just magnets for each other? I know there are silent ones that are perfectly capable of being pushed in beautifully straight lines, I've seen them with other people! But no, not me. I get the noisiest effing cart in the entire store, the one that makes all the other crazy people wandering around the store stare at me, because I'm the craziest one of all with my loud ass shopping cart that constantly pulls to the right. And taking it back to the front to exchange it for another just doesn't work. Inevitably I wind up picking out yet another and another that is just as bad, if not worse, than the one I started out with. I fear it's a burden I will be forced to bear for the rest of my life.... or I could start shopping at Crest.

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From boys to... Men? 

Saturday, December 4, 2010 - Posted by -Kel at 9:14 AM
Let me start by saying that there must be some sort of competitive nature in every Father/Son relationship. My Dad and brother are no different. Every year for Thanksgiving and Christmas my Mother makes special little appetizer type things to snack on during the day and to put on the table with dinner. One of these specialties is stuffed celery. It's cream cheese mixed with chopped green olives and spread into celery sticks. It's good too!



And here's where the competition starts. Dad and Brother will start eyeballing the celery before it's even made its way to the table, trying to figure out which one is the biggest piece and how one can get it before the other. It has even gotten to the point that once Brother grabbed the one that Dad wanted, licked it, and put it back just to ensure that he could have it instead.



So here is this year's scenario. Brother was the one who prepared the celery this year, and he made sure that there was no mistaking which was the biggest piece, and that it was his.








They're great, aren't they???

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Thankful 

Thursday, November 25, 2010 - Posted by -Kel at 9:39 AM

Remember the little hand "turkeys" we made in Kindergarten and gave to Mommy for Thanksgiving? This is the one I got this year. Different isn't it? I love it.

So anyway, back to the subject. I was thinking about Thanksgiving, and being thankful and all that other happy stuff. And I realized that while my life may not be as perfect as I want it to be, I have a lot to be thankful for. I just take it for granted everyday. So I decided to sit and think and make a list of the things that I am truly thankful for.

1. I am thankful for a husband that loves me at least as much as I love him. A man that puts up with my crazy moments, my lack of common sense, and my seemingly psychotic mood swings. A man who obviously doesn't understand why I say or do some things, and who I am able to drive to the brink of insanity, but who loves me just the same.

2. I am thankful for a husband who loves our son more than life itself. A man who will play hot wheels on the living room floor for an hour. A man who does NOT enjoy reading (and struggles with it some) but will read bedtime stories every other night, complete with character voices, because his son LOVES books.

3. I am thankful for a son who is healthy and (for the most part) well behaved. A little boy who is quick to smile and has the best laugh I've ever heard. He is smart and easy going and thinks his Daddy hung the moon. A little boy who loves being read to, drawing, playing with hot wheels and legos and willingly goes outside to work with his Daddy, just because he asked him to. A little boy with a sense of adventure and an imagination that can keep him busy, and me laughing, for days. A little boy that I would give my life for, who I love more than anything I've ever known.

4. I am thankful for the house we live in. It may not be the biggest thing, or the prettiest. But it keeps us warm in the winter, cool in the summer, and dry when it's raining. It is a place we come to everyday to relax, where we are able to live in peace, and comfort, and safety.

5. I am thankful for the job I have. Many people are without a job and can't pay for even the most basic needs of their families. While my job may have its moments of stress, it's still a good job and I am paid very well for what I do. My co-workers and my boss are easy going and we all get along together great. My job allows me to not only pay the bills, but certain extra luxuries that I know I take for granted every day.

6. I am thankful for my extended family. I am comforted in knowing that if I and my family are truly in need, we have a place to go where there are people who care for us and are willing to help in any way that they can.

7. I am thankful for my friends. My true friends, who I may not speak to for months, but who I can call or see and pick up right where we left off. Friends who love me and accept me in spite of, or even because of, my little quirks. Friends who are confident enough in themselves and their beliefs that my possible difference of opinion does not come between us or make them question our friendship. Friends that I cherish, even if I don't say it very much.

8. And finally I am thankful for coffee, and wine. I love the way coffee smells, and tastes, and the sound of it brewing in the pot each morning. I know it sounds cliche, but nothing gets my day started like coffee. At least 2 cups of it. DH thinks I'm crazy because I'll even go to Starbucks and spend "$8 for a cup of burnt tea". (Sigh) Silly man, coffee is LIFE. And wine. I've recently discovered that I like a really good semi-sweet red wine. Don't try to get me to drink anything remotely dry, it just isn't going to happen. But a glass of wine, a warm bath and a good book make for one exceptionally enjoyable evenings.

I'm sure there are more, but it's off to the shower and then our traditional Thanksgiving day madness. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. Love you!

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They're trying to kill me 

Sunday, November 21, 2010 - Posted by -Kel at 3:04 PM
A little after 9 this morning, K and L went outside. I lazed around the house for a little while, taking my time with my coffee (coffee is Life) before heading to the shower. After showering and dressing, I figured I would go outside and check on the boys. This is the sight that greeted me.
That would be my Darling husband (said without an ounce of sarcasm) on the roof of the garage with my BABY! Of course I trust K with L but my first reaction, as a mother, is to gasp "OHMYGOD!", to which K says to L, "I told you your Mamma was gonna have a fit". Obviously my second reaction was to run and grab the camera. = )



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Jumping In 

Saturday, November 20, 2010 - Posted by -Kel at 11:05 AM
Yup, I did it. I have joined the masses and am now "blogging". Why? I'm not really sure. I have no good reason other than kinda wanting a place to put my thoughts. Yes, I know I could buy a journal and write in it and it would be much more private. But honestly I think I like the idea that someone may see my posts and identify with them, or even have advice to offer on certain things. And my hand cramps when I write, so that is another excuse I'll use. Or maybe deep down I'm some weird version of an exhibitionist, who knows. So this is my attempt at starting a blog. Hopefully I will keep up with it on a somewhat regular basis. DH will tell you that I don't stick with a project all the way through, so this may be an exercise in futility. I guess we'll see...

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